Give Me Body

     Earlier today, I was flipping through a magazine when I came to an advertisement with one of the most beautiful Black woman I’d seen in an ad in a while.  While looking at her beautiful features and skin I recalled a conversation I had had a few years ago on the phone with one of my girlfriends.  Our conversation consisted of idle catch up chatter until the subject about our daughters growing up was the topic.  We talked about how they were becoming young ladies and the body shaming that kids, more so girls than boys, have to contend with at such a young age.  At the time, my daughter was 12 years old and in the 7th grade, her daughter was 13 and in the 8th grade.  She (my girlfriend) told me how a little boy from school made her daughter feel uncomfortable about her butt not be big and round.  For goodness sake she was 12 at the time--she's not supposed to be curvy!  My daughter hadn’t (to my knowledge) had to encounter that type of behavior (yet) but I knew it was/is coming.

     I remember being that age and the boys in school and around the neighborhood used to be "fresh" with their language towards us and back then if I didn't like what was being said I'd fight the boy and not think another thought about it.  My body didn't start taking form until I was about 14 and nobody had anything to say about it.

     Our society has lost it's focus and we have dropped the ball by allowing it to happen.  All the songs on the different radio stations, videos on well-known tv stations as well as other media outlets (social media being the top perpetrator) have muddled the image of what people are supposed to look like.  Everyone does not have hips, butt and boobs galore.  Everyone does not have silky straight hair flowing down their backs.  Everyone is not light-skinned or fair skinned with a sun-kissed glow.  We all are beautiful in our own right, be it short hair, dark brown skin, flat chested, with a stick figured body.  How do we stop this new age of bullying in it's tracks?  How do we turn off the stigma of what beauty is?  How do we stop the continued thinking that beauty is skin deep?  Beauty is found by the way people present themselves.  Some of the most attractive people can be the ugliest people you could ever encounter. We've all heard that before, I'm sure. But take a moment and let that really sink in. Y'all be well!

   

What the What with 2020 and 2021!

 Okay, we were eleven months into the year and things went, well...CRAZY!  At the beginning of the year, I had posted that I was looking for a new job.  I was tired of working for the YMCA because it was a lot of mindless yet repetitive work.  I enjoyed some of the people that I worked with and I really enjoyed the members but there wasn't a lot of challenging work to be done.  With that being said, I did begin working as a tutor for 1st, 3rd & 4th graders at an elementary school.  Tuesday thru Thursday, I went into those classrooms that I was assigned to and pulled students into small groups to help with English and Math.  It was cool!  I was able to teach them some math and English skills that they were lacking and also help them be better prepared to take the EOG (End of Grade) tests that they take at the end of the year.  It was all very rewarding because I was in a role that I was helping young children be successful with test taking strategies and I was still able to see the seniors and all the other Y members as they came in for their workouts.

In addition to this, I was also gearing up and getting ready to compete in my second bodybuilding competition in April. This was happening all while  this new virus, (which we now know as Covid-19 :coronavirus 19) was taking the world by storm and turning people’s lives upside down.  I remember my friend/supervisor joked daily about how many more people had been affected and then the unexpected happened.  The United States had it’s first case pop up in Washington State.  Things were starting to take a turn.  So many people in the U.S. had begun to fall prey to this unsuspecting virus all over the states, North Carolina included.  In the beginning, we knew little about this virus but we did know that we needed to wear gloves, wipe things down often with disinfecting spray and wipes and mask up if possible. We had gotten an email that the schools were shutting down early for spring break in hopes that it would blow over and my kids had an extra week to be at home during this same time.  Only, things NEVER blew over and the kids never went back to school in person for the remainder of the year.  It was quite unfortunate because it was my daughter’s last year at the school she was attending and she never got to tell  her friends goodbye.  My son had just begun K-3 that January and by March he was sitting at home doing lessons online daily.  Not only did they (the kids) have to finish school online, I was out of both work from both of my jobs.

EVERYTHING stopped!  The entire world was on edge except for those that followed the president’s way of thinking.  He told such lies about the virus not being real and that people did not need to wear protective face coverings or anything because he didn’t want people to panic.  We all know in hindsight his words were damaging to say the least.  Thousands of people died not believing and many people are still suffering from the affects of the virus today!  All types of businesses closed because the world was on a literal lockdown!  There were curfews set, gyms closed, restaurants closed, hair and nail shops closed.  It was as if the end of the world was happening right before our eyes and there was nothing we could do about it.

I began watching YouTube videos and began making epoxy cups and t-shirts just to make a little money.  My husband was locked out of the country because the country in which he worked shut down the airport—no travel was allowed in or out!  Needless to say, I stopped preparing to compete!  I happened to be on Facebook looking at jobs when one listing about contact tracing came up.  I applied and within the next couple of days, I was contacted and interviewed.  That was in April and in July, I was called again and was told that the county in which I lived was ready to start the contact tracing efforts!  I was really excited about it and on July 31, 2020, I began my training.

It has been a year and almost a month now that I’ve been working.  Earlier this year, things had slowed down considerably and the company was now downsizing and I had begun a new role as a team lead making more money than I had ever made in my working career.  Since the downsizing, I have been downgraded from a team lead to a case investigator—calling positive case patients and interviewing them about their COVID illness.  They have since started hiring people to come back and work with the company because another strain of the virus has mutated and is more contagious than the strain back in 2020.  My son went to in-person school all of last year except for the two weeks he was out due to one of the teachers in his class who tested positive and he had to quarantine for two weeks to make sure he didn’t get sick.  My daughter started her first year of high school at a new school from a computer last August and beginning in January, she went twice a week.  After spring break, she went four times a week and was just fine.

They both, in addition to my nephew started school last week, in person!  My daughter’s school district decided to mandate masks while in school and my son’s school just decided that all students, staff and faculty should wear a mask as well.  Although it wasn’t mandated in the beginning, I sent him to school in a mask everyday anyway.  Simply because I know the vaccine isn’t available for children under 12 as of yet, I would hate for my baby to get sick!  I pray that none become sick but more importantly, my family members.

I was the first of my family to be vaccinated, then my mother, my eldest sister and husband and my daughter.  My middle sister has the mindset that she isn’t going to get the vaccine because the science isn’t there but hopefully she’ll change her mind since her grandson, my three year old nephew is living with her.  It has definitely been a wicked year and a half but I am hoping for a brighter end soon.  The job I have has it’s flaws as any other job has but I’m praying that I will be able to find something else after we’ve come out of this worldwide pandemic.  I am continuing to do what I can to promote the health and well-being of others but there’s only so much we can do.  I too am tired of having to wear a mask everywhere I go but I continue to do it because you just never know who is sick.  People who are fully vaccinated are still getting sick however they aren’t dying from it or having to go into the hospital for an extended stay.  I have had family members pass away on account of Covid-19 and I know people who have been hospitalized due to Covid-19 so this thing is real!

The United States has a new president (even though some people believe the election was stolen…there was a riot at the nation’s capitol but I won’t go into that on this post 🥴) and he is doing all he can to get the word out to get people vaccinated.  I believe we have a long road to recovery awaiting us but we can do it.

Doing It!

      It's been a minute since I've blogged anything so I decided I'd come back with a little something to reintroduce myself!  First off--HAPPY TUESDAY!  Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, Happy Thanksgiving, and all the in-betweens since the last time I posted anything.  Since my last post, I have had surgery, my son has had surgery, I've had a birthday and I've competed in my first bodybuilding competition.  I didn't place how I wanted, 4th--dead last but meh.  My next competition is coming up in April so I'm now again in prep season for that.  I think this time around I'll do a lot better...at least I hope I will anyway.

     Next month, I will have been working for the YMCA for 2 years and I'm becoming a bit bored with it.  It's easy part-time work but for sure it's not a lot of brainwork included.  I did get another job within the Y as the AOA Coordinator--planning activities and trips for the seniors.  But again--not a lot of brainwork included.  I applied to this one place that seems to be an afterschool program and I'm supposed to have a phone interview this afternoon so we will see how that goes.  I was offered another job but the hours begin at 5 AM but I can't take it because I don't have anyone to take the kids to school in the mornings.  

     To be honest, I would like to go back to school for interior design.  I have student loans that I'm already trying to pay back and it is overwhelming.  In the past year, so many things have happened and it how I handle all of it remains to be seen.  Send your prayers and well wishes my way.



     

Fresh

Ah, to start anew!  When I sat down with my laptop on my lap, I sat here muddling through different titles to name this post I typed and retyped in the title box of what I thought I should name it and came up with the title, FRESH.  So, I went with it!

There's nothing like the newness of  something! Whether our something new is a car, a pair of shoes to go with that perfect outfit, a relationship, a baby, a career (okay, you get the point...something that we didn't have before) it is such an exciting feeling!  Sometimes our "new stuff" is so great we tend to get overwhelmed with it.

Well, my move to Saudi Arabia was that new overwhelming thing to me.  I must say, moving there was probably the most scary yet most rewarding part of my life.  The night before, strike that...the day before flying to Saudi, I spent ALL DAY packing my new life into suitcases & other bags.  I packed those bags until the next morning, the morning we were flying, until 3:00 AM.  My oldest niece came in from Miami just in time to see us off.  She was supposed to arrive a week earlier but due to the Hurricane Joaquin hitting South Carolina so hard, all trains that needs to go through South Carolina were cancelled.  Anyhow, I finally  got into bed around 3:30 AM and set my alarm for 6:45 AM.

Ok, fast forward, my family and I (even the two dogs) had been in this new country for nearly 5 months and as I was still trying to adjust to the laws of the land.  I had many days that I missed my family & friends immensely, I missed driving my car, I missed our little apartment, I missed my little job, I missed my daughter's school...I missed everything about my life back here in the United States!  On other days, I was fine with the things that I had going in Saudi.  I had my husband, our daughter & our dogs there so that life a bit easier for me.  Not to mention, I had Facebook Messenger so I could talk to my sisters and my mom everyday if I needed to. We visited Dubai & Abu Dhabi for Thanksgiving and Bahrain for Christmas and we spent the New Year (2016) in Saudi Arabia lazing around on the couches together. On top of it all, I got pregnant with my now 17 month (almost 18 month) old little boy.

Here I was 40 years old and pregnant with my my second baby in a foreign country! My oldest baby was 9 and I was often thinking what in the world am I doing starting over again?! My daughter had prayed and asked for many years for a baby brother and here is God answering her prayers. I was super excited about my new baby to be but also very nervous.  But look at everything that transpired! In my living in a new country, miles away from my family, miles away from everything I knew and I was okay with my new, "fresh" life! I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything! I was able to see first hand different cultures, meet people from different parts of the world, learn the truth about a Muslim country that I had heard so many negative things about and to ice the cake, I was able to travel to places that I would never be able to think about visiting.

So you see, experiencing the freshness of life will always have an affect on all of us, be it good or bad. It really depends on how we approach that in which we're faced with.

You Should Do It Anyway!

Ok, so I've seen several videos online where others and young daughters are dressing up in their freshest gear to go out on a "date" and they're getting so much praise for doing so.  Well, I purposely keep scrolling and don't give a thumbs up or a heart or a repeat showing of the video by sharing it because THAT is something a father should do ANYWAY!  A dad should be taking time out to spend with his child (albeit that child is a son or daughter) without the camera rolling to document the event.

A simple trip to Target, a little one on one b-ball game, heck sitting in the living room playing Mario Kart, a bedtime story at night or just a chat about the day is something a child would appreciate a lot more than the one day/night he decides he wants to take her out to show her how a man should treat her when she gets older.  That's all fine and good, but what about being there everyday to show her how a dad should treat her as a child first!

Men, treat your daughters with respect and kindness without yelling and screaming at her so she knows that's NOT the way she needs to be treated as a child or in her adult life.  Don't be disrespectful to her mother and treat her mother with love, kindness and respect.  If the mom and dad aren't together anymore the parents need to be cordial to one another.  Again, do this for your sons too because they need to see how to treat women when they grow up.  I so believe men need to be in their boys' lives because although many mothers have done a great job at raising their sons alone, God did not intend it to be so.  Men need to teach their sons how to be men.  In other words, be role models to your own children.  Don't allow people they see on television take that role in which was given to you when you helped to create the child that calls you dad.

I digress.  THAT is how you show a child how she should be treated by a a man when she grows up.  NOT by taking her on one date.  In my mind, this only shows your child to expect a good time only once and only when the camera is rolling.  It also fosters the belief that in order to have a good time you have to get dressed up and be on your best behavior and not enjoy who you are when you go out on a date...you have to put up this phony façade.  Stop doing this to your kids!  Spend time with your child in the natural and stop making them believe that life is a fairytale when they grow up.  Stop making them believe that things are all peaches and cream until midnight when the carriage turns back into a pumpkin.

Friendship

Friend (noun)
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard
2. person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile

Friendship (noun)
1. the state of being a friend; association as being friends
2. a friendly relation or intimacy
3. friendly feeling or disposition

When searching the internet for the words friend and  friendship, Dictionary.com, these are the definitions that will pop up on your screen of choice (computer/smart phone).  But what do these words mean?  Is a friendship tangible or intangible?  What does a person need to do or say to be considered a friend?  

A friend of mine sent me a text message thanking me for being a true friend to them.  I responded back thanking them for the friendship as well.  We spoke later and discussed some life spoils and I was able to listen to them as without offering any advice (which I believe they wanted from me).  They were grateful to receive the listening ear that they had initially prompted when they reached out to me via text and I was happy to oblige.

For several years, I was a friend to someone who didn't seem reciprocate the same emotion as me.  This person wasn't really around when I needed them to be yet when I was needed they could call upon me and I was there for them.  Whether they needed someone to vent to or just have a good old shoot of the breeze chat, I was there.  From the very beginning of the friendship, I always felt like something was off but I ignored it because I really enjoyed being around this person whenever we got together.  When their actions finally got the best of me, I was hurt and decided not to speak to them in fear that I would say something that I would regret.  I did not speak to them for months!  When I finally decided that we needed to talk, they tried to turn the tables on me and make it seem as though I was the one at fault.  I then began to question myself!  Was I the one who had not been the better friend?  Had I not been the one who was always conveniently in place when they needed me?  I received confirmation that this person was my "reason" in life (**reference below**).  After years of knowing this individual, hanging with this individual even sharing very personal parts of my life with this person, was so quick to write me off as if we had not been "friends".  

In the many years knowing them, we had never gotten into an altercation until I had had enough.  It was during that time that I knew they did not reciprocate the same feelings I felt.  Sure it hurt my feelings but it was as the saying goes, *"People come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime."*  I always felt our friendship happened for a reason but I ignored the fact because I wanted so much for it to be a lifetime friendship.

I guess I'm saying this to say everyone comes into your life for something.  Some mean you well and others simply put, don't.  Some are placed there as a means to test you and others are there to help you through your test.  Which type of friend are you?  A reason, a season or a lifetime friend?  The truth is, you more than likely are or have been all three at some point in your life.  For instance, growing up you probably had a best friend and as life began to change, you and your best friend either remained just that--best friends or you barely saw one another.  There are several examples but this one is the most common one I think.  Believe me, this is perfectly okay!  It's all a part of a much more divine plan that was predestined for us.  I am glad that things happen for a reason although they may not be clear in the beginning and may never be clear.  Sometimes you just have to stop trying to be the pilot and sit off to the side and be the co-pilot.

Working Mom vs Non-Working Mom

Many months ago, I began to write this blog post but because I just wasn't ready to introduce it to the world wide web just yet, I did not.  Now that I have a little free time on my hands...here it is!

Many months ago when I was still working a 40 hour work week in addition to handling my everyday tasks of being a wife and mother I felt myself ALWAYS running a race of some sort.  I was racing to work, racing to get my child to school, using my lunch break to pick my daughter up from school and race across town to make sure she was getting to gymnastics on time and back to work.  Then after getting off of work racing to pick her up and back home to  make a meal.  I often felt as though I was always in a hurry to get somewhere and do something throughout the day.  I felt like my day was a nonstop one that did not have an end until late at night.  Often times when I woke up in the morning at 5:30 AM, I would hit the snooze button because I was still tired from the previous night even if I had gone to bed relatively early (10:15 PM). Before 10 minutes could pass (which was the amount of time my snooze would allow me to get in "just a few more minutes" I would jump up and begin to get dressed to go out and get a run in.  I often found myself (if I actually willed myself to get out of bed) literally racing against the clock because I wanted to get at least a mile in before having to be back home by 6:30 AM to wake my daughter and get her ready for school.

While running, I found myself constantly watching the clock to make sure I was making good on time.  When  I felt that I wasn't making good time, I sped up so I wouldn't be late or I'd cut the run short.  After making it back home, I hurriedly got my daughter up, made sure her clothes were neat and left her to get washed up and dressed while I either showered immediately or began to make her breakfast to start her day and her snacks and lunch for later that morning and afternoon.  Now that I'm a stay at home mom, after being in the workforce for over 20 years I am at a loss for what my life should consist of these days.

Today was my daughter's first day of 4th grade.  It was a very strange day for me today to say the least!  First of all, I didn't go to bed until AFTER  2 AM, then I woke up at 7 AM and woke my daughter up shortly afterwards.  She took her bath and did the rest of her morning ritual in order to get ready for school.  I made up a few boxes of snacks for her to put inside of her lunch bag so all she has to do in the morning is pack which snack she wants to eat for the day inside her lunch bag along with the lunch that is/will be made up the night before.  That worked out well this morning after she made her own breakfast and ate.  After she was ready to rock and roll, I took her to school, dropped her off and had no place to be in a hurry afterwards. 

Since she's been in school, I have ALWAYS had to get her up and ready in addition to getting myself ready to head to work soon after dropping her off.  This year is different!  It was a unnatural yet pleasant reward to drop her off at school and then go to Starbucks and get coffee without having to race back to Cliffdale Road to be at work on time!  I am saying all this to say that...TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY! (Thank you  Ice-Cube for the reference).  Anyhow, after getting my coffee, I was able to meet my mother and chat with her for a bit, come home and think about what I wanted/needed to do for the day and took a nap!  I woke up, later picked up my girl and came home to make dinner.  It was great to have dinner ready by 6 PM and to be eating by 6:30 PM!  It was nice to be ready for the next day by 8 PM and have my daughter ready for bed by 9 PM!  Sure, she didn't fall asleep before 10:30, but she was in the bed, resting!  And me, I have time to make another entry into my blog.  I NEVER had time to do that until late in the evenings which is why I started this bog in 2011 but only have a few entries.  I just didn't have the time or energy for that matter to sit at the computer late at night to write a post!  Now that I'm not working, I hope to explore the world of 'freelance writing' in addition to creating great literature for people's pleasure. 

I am relishing in the thought that this is now my new life!  This is what I have to look forward to for at least the next 18 months of my life.  I really think I'm going to enjoy the life of a non-working mom!