You Should Do It Anyway!

Ok, so I've seen several videos online where others and young daughters are dressing up in their freshest gear to go out on a "date" and they're getting so much praise for doing so.  Well, I purposely keep scrolling and don't give a thumbs up or a heart or a repeat showing of the video by sharing it because THAT is something a father should do ANYWAY!  A dad should be taking time out to spend with his child (albeit that child is a son or daughter) without the camera rolling to document the event.

A simple trip to Target, a little one on one b-ball game, heck sitting in the living room playing Mario Kart, a bedtime story at night or just a chat about the day is something a child would appreciate a lot more than the one day/night he decides he wants to take her out to show her how a man should treat her when she gets older.  That's all fine and good, but what about being there everyday to show her how a dad should treat her as a child first!

Men, treat your daughters with respect and kindness without yelling and screaming at her so she knows that's NOT the way she needs to be treated as a child or in her adult life.  Don't be disrespectful to her mother and treat her mother with love, kindness and respect.  If the mom and dad aren't together anymore the parents need to be cordial to one another.  Again, do this for your sons too because they need to see how to treat women when they grow up.  I so believe men need to be in their boys' lives because although many mothers have done a great job at raising their sons alone, God did not intend it to be so.  Men need to teach their sons how to be men.  In other words, be role models to your own children.  Don't allow people they see on television take that role in which was given to you when you helped to create the child that calls you dad.

I digress.  THAT is how you show a child how she should be treated by a a man when she grows up.  NOT by taking her on one date.  In my mind, this only shows your child to expect a good time only once and only when the camera is rolling.  It also fosters the belief that in order to have a good time you have to get dressed up and be on your best behavior and not enjoy who you are when you go out on a date...you have to put up this phony façade.  Stop doing this to your kids!  Spend time with your child in the natural and stop making them believe that life is a fairytale when they grow up.  Stop making them believe that things are all peaches and cream until midnight when the carriage turns back into a pumpkin.

Friendship

Friend (noun)
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard
2. person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile

Friendship (noun)
1. the state of being a friend; association as being friends
2. a friendly relation or intimacy
3. friendly feeling or disposition

When searching the internet for the words friend and  friendship, Dictionary.com, these are the definitions that will pop up on your screen of choice (computer/smart phone).  But what do these words mean?  Is a friendship tangible or intangible?  What does a person need to do or say to be considered a friend?  

A friend of mine sent me a text message thanking me for being a true friend to them.  I responded back thanking them for the friendship as well.  We spoke later and discussed some life spoils and I was able to listen to them as without offering any advice (which I believe they wanted from me).  They were grateful to receive the listening ear that they had initially prompted when they reached out to me via text and I was happy to oblige.

For several years, I was a friend to someone who didn't seem reciprocate the same emotion as me.  This person wasn't really around when I needed them to be yet when I was needed they could call upon me and I was there for them.  Whether they needed someone to vent to or just have a good old shoot of the breeze chat, I was there.  From the very beginning of the friendship, I always felt like something was off but I ignored it because I really enjoyed being around this person whenever we got together.  When their actions finally got the best of me, I was hurt and decided not to speak to them in fear that I would say something that I would regret.  I did not speak to them for months!  When I finally decided that we needed to talk, they tried to turn the tables on me and make it seem as though I was the one at fault.  I then began to question myself!  Was I the one who had not been the better friend?  Had I not been the one who was always conveniently in place when they needed me?  I received confirmation that this person was my "reason" in life (**reference below**).  After years of knowing this individual, hanging with this individual even sharing very personal parts of my life with this person, was so quick to write me off as if we had not been "friends".  

In the many years knowing them, we had never gotten into an altercation until I had had enough.  It was during that time that I knew they did not reciprocate the same feelings I felt.  Sure it hurt my feelings but it was as the saying goes, *"People come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime."*  I always felt our friendship happened for a reason but I ignored the fact because I wanted so much for it to be a lifetime friendship.

I guess I'm saying this to say everyone comes into your life for something.  Some mean you well and others simply put, don't.  Some are placed there as a means to test you and others are there to help you through your test.  Which type of friend are you?  A reason, a season or a lifetime friend?  The truth is, you more than likely are or have been all three at some point in your life.  For instance, growing up you probably had a best friend and as life began to change, you and your best friend either remained just that--best friends or you barely saw one another.  There are several examples but this one is the most common one I think.  Believe me, this is perfectly okay!  It's all a part of a much more divine plan that was predestined for us.  I am glad that things happen for a reason although they may not be clear in the beginning and may never be clear.  Sometimes you just have to stop trying to be the pilot and sit off to the side and be the co-pilot.

Working Mom vs Non-Working Mom

Many months ago, I began to write this blog post but because I just wasn't ready to introduce it to the world wide web just yet, I did not.  Now that I have a little free time on my hands...here it is!

Many months ago when I was still working a 40 hour work week in addition to handling my everyday tasks of being a wife and mother I felt myself ALWAYS running a race of some sort.  I was racing to work, racing to get my child to school, using my lunch break to pick my daughter up from school and race across town to make sure she was getting to gymnastics on time and back to work.  Then after getting off of work racing to pick her up and back home to  make a meal.  I often felt as though I was always in a hurry to get somewhere and do something throughout the day.  I felt like my day was a nonstop one that did not have an end until late at night.  Often times when I woke up in the morning at 5:30 AM, I would hit the snooze button because I was still tired from the previous night even if I had gone to bed relatively early (10:15 PM). Before 10 minutes could pass (which was the amount of time my snooze would allow me to get in "just a few more minutes" I would jump up and begin to get dressed to go out and get a run in.  I often found myself (if I actually willed myself to get out of bed) literally racing against the clock because I wanted to get at least a mile in before having to be back home by 6:30 AM to wake my daughter and get her ready for school.

While running, I found myself constantly watching the clock to make sure I was making good on time.  When  I felt that I wasn't making good time, I sped up so I wouldn't be late or I'd cut the run short.  After making it back home, I hurriedly got my daughter up, made sure her clothes were neat and left her to get washed up and dressed while I either showered immediately or began to make her breakfast to start her day and her snacks and lunch for later that morning and afternoon.  Now that I'm a stay at home mom, after being in the workforce for over 20 years I am at a loss for what my life should consist of these days.

Today was my daughter's first day of 4th grade.  It was a very strange day for me today to say the least!  First of all, I didn't go to bed until AFTER  2 AM, then I woke up at 7 AM and woke my daughter up shortly afterwards.  She took her bath and did the rest of her morning ritual in order to get ready for school.  I made up a few boxes of snacks for her to put inside of her lunch bag so all she has to do in the morning is pack which snack she wants to eat for the day inside her lunch bag along with the lunch that is/will be made up the night before.  That worked out well this morning after she made her own breakfast and ate.  After she was ready to rock and roll, I took her to school, dropped her off and had no place to be in a hurry afterwards. 

Since she's been in school, I have ALWAYS had to get her up and ready in addition to getting myself ready to head to work soon after dropping her off.  This year is different!  It was a unnatural yet pleasant reward to drop her off at school and then go to Starbucks and get coffee without having to race back to Cliffdale Road to be at work on time!  I am saying all this to say that...TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY! (Thank you  Ice-Cube for the reference).  Anyhow, after getting my coffee, I was able to meet my mother and chat with her for a bit, come home and think about what I wanted/needed to do for the day and took a nap!  I woke up, later picked up my girl and came home to make dinner.  It was great to have dinner ready by 6 PM and to be eating by 6:30 PM!  It was nice to be ready for the next day by 8 PM and have my daughter ready for bed by 9 PM!  Sure, she didn't fall asleep before 10:30, but she was in the bed, resting!  And me, I have time to make another entry into my blog.  I NEVER had time to do that until late in the evenings which is why I started this bog in 2011 but only have a few entries.  I just didn't have the time or energy for that matter to sit at the computer late at night to write a post!  Now that I'm not working, I hope to explore the world of 'freelance writing' in addition to creating great literature for people's pleasure. 

I am relishing in the thought that this is now my new life!  This is what I have to look forward to for at least the next 18 months of my life.  I really think I'm going to enjoy the life of a non-working mom!

What Is YOUR Destiny?

Have you ever wondered to yourself or out loud...what am I supposed to be doing with my life?  What was I created to do?  Where am I supposed to be?  Why am I still here?  You may not admittedly say you've asked these questions or they may have been worded differently, but yes, these feelings/questions are all relevant to life.

From the time we're born most parents/caregivers have goals set for us.  We are told that we will go to school, make good grades, go to college, have a great career, makes lots of money and be able to take care of ourselves (and perhaps them when they aren't able to care for themselves).  Not only do they set these goals for us as we grow, they instill (or brainwash) the same "dreams" within us.  As we age, we believe their dream is what we really want out of life.  But what happens when we decide differently?  I'll tell you what I believe happens...I believe we disappoint our parents or caregivers simply because THEY had our lives all planned out.  Sure they want what's best for us or what they think is best for us.  I have even found myself doing this with my own child.  I have told her, "You need to go to school and make good grades so that when you grow up, you can go to college and make something out of your life and you won't have to depend on anyone to take care of you.  You will be able to take care of your family the way you want to take care of them."  

Like most parents, I too want what I think is best for my child.  Yes, a good education is the key to success but what about the ones that didn't have a higher education and made millions and successful careers without it?  Who am I or better yet, who are WE as adults to force a common belief onto the generation coming up behind us?  Before my generation came along, yes, it was pretty much guaranteed that if one went to college one would have a lot better chance at a career in the field in which one studied in.  Here I am, sitting on a college degree that I can do absolutely nothing with unless I further my studies in the field.  Not to mention the thousands of dollars I owe back in student loans!  It's really unfortunate that so many people around my age are rocking in the same boat.

No one told us about that grand disbursement check that we went running to the mall with.  No one told us, "Hey, you're going to get that extra money but what you should do is go ahead and give it back so that will be less that you owe AFTER you get your degree."  No one told us the pitfalls that came along with that "free money"!  Now, 15 years later interest has set in, I cannot work in the field that I went to school for to begin with and guess what, I more than likely won't go back to school to further my education in the field because that is more money that I'd owe back to Uncle Sam and who's to say that I land that career of a lifetime?

I guess what the purpose of this blog entry is to say, let's continue to encourage our youth and steer them out of the path of danger but let's also let them explore and make up their own minds to do what they want to do in life.  Let them have a chance to tell us what they think would be the right path whether it is right or left.  Let's allow our children to grow up to be thinkers and innovators.  Let's provoke different thought patterns instead of biased ones. God has given everyone on this earth a purpose in life let's not try to do His job for him by telling our babies what they should do with lives.

My daughter who will very soon be nine is a very talented little girl.  She gets along with most people, never meets a stranger, very giving and she's just an all around good person.  Now don't get me twisted, this little girl can worry the horns off a billy goat but she means well!  She has a natural gift to draw people near her.  I love that spirit about her and I would love to say, "She got it from her mama!" but that is NOT the case.  She got that from the heavenly Father.  Who am I to tell her that she needs to play her guitar for a living?  Who am I to tell her that she needs to continue gymnastics because I think she's good?  Who am I to tell her that she needs to be a swimmer because she's really good at swimming?  Sure I want her to do those things but it is not my decision to make.  Her life was written long before she was born and to try to steer her along a path that is not hers is not the job for me.

So I ask, what IS your destiny?  What are you supposed to be doing in life?  Are you doing it?  Did you listen to yourself or a higher being about what it is you should be doing.  Take some time to yourself and speak to Him....He will tell you exactly what you need to be doing with your life.  Whether it be teaching or being taught, the answer to this is already within you...you just need to seek it out for yourself.  Don't continue to do something you don't want to do in order to please someone else.  As T.I.  sang, "You gotta live your life!"  YOUR destiny is yours to write.

Forgiveness

(Matthew 6:14-15) 14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. 

 
Forgiveness is a hard thing to do especially when you have been so hurt by someone's words or actions.  Often times, people do or say things to us either knowingly or unknowingly which leaves us with a "sour taste in our mouths" (so to speak) about that (those) individuals.  Sometimes the only defense mechanism is to be angry at that person all the time when they're in our presence and sometimes not.  These feelings are common amongst the human race even those people who are holier than thou feel these feelings as well.

I am currently working through this issue myself.  Believe me, it is a hard task that but it is something that is totally doable.  Talking about your feelings, writing your feelings down, crying are just a few ways of airing your feelings.  It is NOT okay to keep them bottled inside because doing that only; keeps you angry, makes you sick emotionally and physically, and keeps in stuck!  

What led me to this conclusion that you have to move on and stop being stuck on what someone has said or done was my seven year old daughter.  There were a couple of instances where I realized, this little girl is so much better than me.  The first instance was when her friends from gymnastics and her weren't getting along, they were being mean to her for some reason and she was being mean back (natural instinct) she cried about it, talked to me about it, and the next day when she went to gym, she told the girls' parents about it and how it made her feel.  Not only did she do that, she told them how she felt and forgave them.  Since that period they have gone back to being friends.  I guarantee she hasn't forgotten about it but she knows how to deal with the situation if it arises again and has moved on and put the little girls' behavior in the past.  

Another incident of her being "the bigger person" and forgiving happened after I spanked her for her wrong behavior.  Literally minutes after being spanked, I was still angry with her and she had come into my room and told me that she loved me and was sorry for what she had done.  I told her that I apologized for having to spank her but she had disappointed me.  She proceeded to tell me that she knew she was wrong and that she had forgiven me for doing what I had done and she hoped that I had forgiven her for doing what she had done.  I was blown away by such a grown up gesture that most grown ups don't display.  

From that point on, I decided, if a seven year old can do it with God's grace I sure could take a page from her book and do the same thing!  Yes, it is hard to do but it is doable.  We all as parents hope we are doing right when we raise our young and teaching them the correct way to behave.  Somewhere in the seven years that my child has been on this earth, we (my husband and I) and hopefully our inner circle has taught her right and this pleases me.

It only seems that NOT forgiving should be the thing to do, but the bible teaches us if we forgive, our Father in heaven will forgive us.  But if we choose to keep hate in our hearts and NOT forgive, He will not forgive us.  The enemy wants us to continue to feel hurt and continue to not forgive because it hurts our Father.  Let's not displease Him because it only hurts us in the end.  

Furthermore, the person that was unjust to you may not even know you're angry with them and could care less that you are.  Moreover, you may add fuel to the fire by being angry with them.  This is where peace comes in...read and study your bible, go to God in prayer, ignore ignorance, keep your mind free and clear of things, and remember you can only control yourself and your actions.  People will ONLY do things that you allow them to do to you.

With that being said, live for you and not for others.  Take a step back and look at the bigger picture.  Take a page from the seven year old's book and forgive others wrong doings.  You don't have to deal with them but you do have to forgive in order to be one step closer to the kingdom of Heaven!

I Have Had Some Rough Days

This post is so befitting with day being Friday the 13th and all. 
With that said,we have all had rough days right?  Of course we have!  Why if everyday we went through were all peaches and cream we wouldn't look forward to a brand new day.  Everyday needs to be different in order for us to appreciate the next one.

For a while, I was having rough days, weeks, even months!  I hated having to get up and go to the place that I had once really enjoyed going to because I knew once I got there I would be under constant scrutiny wondering, "Is today the day the 'devil' says something to me that makes me snatch her bald?  Is today the day that I can't take it anymore and just go off the deep end?  Is today finally the day where I just say fuck it all beat the shit out of her, give her a piece of my mind and walk the hell out?"  Those would have been all gratifying in the moment but the consequences to follow were not worth it.  Every single day Lord keep me in the right frame of mind. Give me peace that will get me through yet another day.  And at night I thanked Him for doing just that.

I often called in sick because I would become physically sick to my stomach knowing that I had to go to a place and be in the same space, (her cubicle was right on the other side of mine) with this chick for at least seven hours of my day.  Ugh!  There was such a lack of interest on my part of having to be there.  Whenever I saw her car in the parking lot my entire body would cringe at knowing that she would be in the same building with me.  I didn't want to hear her voice, I didn't want to see her face, I did not want her presence around.  The ONLY thing that made me continue to deal with the stress and drama that went on at the work place was knowing that I had to pay a monthly tuition for my child to continue to go to the school is still attending.  

I couldn't understand what had I done to be punished.  I was even willing to leave my job that I had been happy at for the last eight years and go a distance of 45 minutes OUT of my way in order to not be around her!  I live a mere 5 minute walk from my job and a 5 minute drive from my daughter's school to get away from this chick.  I couldn't breathe or pass gas without it being documented against me.  I felt as though I was trapped after she wasn't able to transfer to another place and after she had written me up. After that, I became ineligible to transfer anywhere else for six months.  I was trapped with her and her nonsensical dramatics that not only took a toll on me but brought the morale down for my department.  I felt as though no one was listening to my plea for help and that they thought the situation would get better.  

The thing about it is, I already knew how I felt about her and how she felt about me BEFORE she became my supervisor and I tried to speak to upper management about the situation before anything could transpire with her being my supervisor...No one listened, therefore, there were issues that came up and sparked major controversy that I won't elaborate on.

I had to deal with this woman for two years and about six months of those two years she was my immediate supervisor.  I really had a obvious disdain for her and I felt that my prayers had been answered on the day she sent the email stating that she was leaving, not only our workplace but the state entirely!  

Had I been tested by God to see if I would indeed seek Him out for His help.  Although I had many stormy months, He showed me that there is a rainbow after the storm.  There is a plate waiting with peaches and cream waiting for me to indulge in after a hard day.

I have a new supervisor who is quite understanding, easy to work with and very fair when it comes to working with individuals who come from a different background.  He's very smart and a lot of fun to work for.  He is just learning a lot about being a supervisor and how to deal with things...he is willing to admit that he is 'just learning' and isn't trying to push his work off onto others that work for and with him.  He is willing to take on new tasks that he has never been introduced to feet first.  I am glad to work with someone who IS a team player and not one that is trying to get recognized for efforts that they've done by stepping on someone's back to get to get that recognition.

I mention all of these things in this particular post to say that it was definitely a lesson learned.  Some days will be rough but you cannot let those days be a precursor to the following day.  I had to learn that.  I'm still sorting this out because it is very easy to let  one day carry over into the next.  You have to look at that statement through all facets of life.  Be it with your husband, wife, lover, children, family friends, coworkers, etc. We have to thank God for the everyday lessons that He teaches us in hopes that we will be able to look at the next day differently.  We need to take the lessons learned and recognize that the issue just isn't worth getting worked up over.  I know this next statement is cliche' but it is so true.  If God brought you to it, He will bring you through it!  

So many people have not learned to live for the day and moments that are given to us.   Most people (including myself sometimes) often forget tomorrow is NOT promised to any of us.  Yes, today was not as good as I would've liked it to be, but by golly, if I live to see the next...watch how I will set it off!  Don't let one bad day get you down, if you live and nothing happens, enjoy what's in store for you tomorrow.

Everyday Gifts

As I sit here in the middle of my bed typing yet another entry into my blog and taking a break from my wedding planning, I am enjoying the rhythmic sound of the rain tap dance across the concrete and run down the side of my apartment onto the neighboring grass below.  Sitting in amazement while also listening to the background music of Bob Marley's Buffalo Soldier play and watching the nearby candle flame melodically bounce to the beat of the reggae sounds pump out of my iPod dock with the help of Pandora's Sade radio station.  With all of the descriptions given about the space I am surrounded by, the only answer to my enjoyment is pure pleasure!  Pleasure in knowing that I have all my senses to enjoy the small yet wonderful gifts the good Lord has given me THIS day!

I have NEVER claimed to be one of great holiness, but I am a believer in HIS great works!  HIS awesome gifts!  HIS love and mercy!  HIS willingness to allow me to live yet another day and be able to smell the wet earth, to hear the powerful thunder, to see the flicker of the candle flame, to feel the cool rain on my face, to taste the fruits offered from the trees afterwards.  Be happy with the gifts that are given us each day.  Don't let one gift given to you from the good Lord go by unnoticed.  Pause for the cool breeze on the hottest day of the summer.  Watch the sun say goodbye for the day, welcome the moon's presence.  Don't get mad if it rains on your parade.  March on baby march on!  Just grab your umbrella and slicker and prance as if nothing is wrong!